for the past few weeks i have been noticing a difference in the way my coworkers act towards me. i feel like they look at me different and don't act the same. my manager has been trying to set me up with almost every guy that works there and honestly it kinda pisses me off.............he always tries to get us in the same part of the store alone or corner us off in the back and i feel like i'm being forced to like these guys that i have no feelings for. my manager keeps telling me that they get all flustered and can't talk around me, and i'm like "why?!?!" i'm a fucking nerd. i'm nothing special.
it's been driving me crazy with all this male secret insider shit that i called one of my best friends and asked him to please explain why everybody is acting like they do at work. come to find out they all, including my manager :o! have noticed how much i have physically changed. he pretty much told me that they all think i'm hot.....wtf. I am not hot. i've never been called hot nor do i even feel hot. i don't know how to handle all this attention and quite honestly i'm a little overwhelmed with emotion. i'm crying right now because what he told me i know came from his heart.
he said that he has noticed a difference in me since high school. my physical appearance and my attitude towards life. that i'm a happier person and i smile a lot more. he also said that i've always been beautiful but now people are starting to see what is on the inside and now it's showing on the out.
i don't know how to take all this in. i'm speechless. i guess there was a depressing kind of comfort always being the fat girl. people left me alone. guys didn't bother with me. i was the one guys acted like they wanted to get to know to get to my hot blonde friend. but now it's the other way around. i'm confused as hell. i don't know. i just thought maybe my clothes were getting so big on me because i stretched them out so much. lol. wtf. i'm confused. i don't know what to feel.
sometimes when i look in the mirror i still here my mom's voice calling me a fat pig and that i disgust her. wow.
i actually saw my mom yesterday. and she said it looked like i was withering away. holy hell. my mom actually said that.
my mind is going a million miles an hour right now.
i need to sleep this off.............
