crash and burn.

i don't know where to begin...for starters i'm crying, listening to my ipod. lately i've been feeling myself sink back into my old habits. i've been drinking alot more and staying up all night crying. i really don't want to be depressed, i felt like i got out of that....like when i lost all the weight i was happy. i focused on myself and my health and nothing else and i was ok. but now that i'm past that and i'm at a steady weight i'm slipping.....i let myself go when i eat and i want to drink every night. i'm not an alcoholic or anything; i don't depend on it just kinda of like a quick fix that doesn't really fix anything...................which doesn't make sense so i don't know why i think that.

i'm confused. i'm lost. i'm broken.

i feel like my heart has given up on me.

more and more everyday i feel like i am not good enough for anybody...like seriously. everytime i try to pursue a relationship it seems to go really well until serious feelings form and them i'm left hanging on a feeling. i get left...always.

maybe i'm doing everything wrong or i'm stupid or something....i don't know what it is.

i know this sounds weird but the past couiple movies i've seen i can reallllllly relate to my own life......so madagascar 2 and nick and norah's infinite playlist are like pretty much my life.

yeah.

......i don't know how else to put how i feel except that i'm heartbroken.