...you're playing with my delirium.

i'm beginning to see that i'm the person that everybody takes for granted when they have me and then realizes what they're missing when i'm gone...

but maybe that's my fault for letting that happen...like i'm too nice of a person. i don't know. lately i've been told that i'm a bitch and an ass....whatev. it's those people who "take me for granted" that made me that way. what am i supposed to do?.....allow myself to be walked all over my whole life???!!

no.

i've done it enough and i'm tired of being hurt and screwed over just because i care about other people's feelings...and since i've been acting like a ..."heartless bitch" everybody seems to be noticing me more..which sucks because i don't want to be known as that. it just kinda happened that way.

my intentions are never to hurt anybody but it doesn't always seem that way when it comes to me..the "i love you" always seems to come into play. ...a hook if you will...to reel me in, and keep me. to keep me on a string when the other person is ready for my love...

i can't do it. when i go in i go all the way....when i say i love you i mean it with everything in me.

it kills me. it hurts. i don't even know what's real anymore. when i think it is and i feel happy....the all telling "perma-grin"....i get slapped in the face. almost like saying "ha! you dumb bitch...you thought you could get away with being happy!!" .................no.

fucking lesbians.

girls break hearts just as badly as guys...i can't win.

either way i can't win. nope. not me.