past, present, and maybe future??

when i look back on the old posts i have written i realize now how much i have changed....the way i think, the way i feel.....just a lot of things....damn......... and how crazy is this...............i'm listening to music and have it on random and paper thin hymn just came on :) i can listen to this song over and over again and never get sick of it. ANYWAY. back to what i was saying.....

it's weird to think that i felt that only....6 months ago. and to see in myself how much i have changed and the way i feel about things. i'm ok with life now. i'm not in a rush. i'm taking it day by day...always looking forward to see what God has in store for me. i'm just concentrating on being the best aunt i can be to tatyana and helping sonia with her. that's my main concern right now. i would do anything in the world for my niece and having the opportunity to see her grow and discover things is the best gift in the world.....just a couple days ago sonia and i were at the store and tatyana was with sonia and i wondered off to look at make-up (big surprise there..lol) anyway i hear "NAAYYUH"..tatyana said my name...OMG!! i almost cried.

i can't really explain what happened that i feel so different it just kinda happened :) everything seems to be falling into place...and even though i know it's probably gonna take years to 'see' everything...i'm ok with that.

another thing that happened recently that kinda threw me wayyyyy off guard....my mom told me she can tell i'm loosing weight...wow. i have been working on myself....i've been eating ALOT healthier, taking diet pills and.....kinda getting exercise...i guess. lol. she came to dominos the other day to see me and she told me that i'm looking great and she can definitely tell a difference in my face and the way my clothes fit....and that whatever i'm doing to keep it and don't loose faith because it's working. i didn't know what to say. honestly i was blown away. hearing that from my MOM! OMG. considering what she used to say to me it's quite the 360. i probably gave her the biggest hug i have ever given her and it felt so good to hear my mom say something like that and truly mean it. all of that makes me want to continue......i feel good. it's just too bad nobody else notices. i dunno. maybe mr. wonderful will walk into my life. at this point i really don't care but i would be nice to have somebody and hear that i'm beautiful every once in a while. But......i'm not holding my breath. if i do i might die of suffocation or something.....haha.

until then i'm just gonna work on myself. HE has to find me. i'm done looking ;) peace out.